Mazinger Z 3-5: Driving From His Little Pilder, He Can Protect the Peace.

I’m not entirely sure why people would still be reading this, because anyone that wants to watch Mazinger Z probably already has, and anyone who read the first installment of this series is probably never reading this blog again anyway.

Episode 3:

Summary: Sayaka wrangles up the local bunch of no-goodniks who freely sling insults at each other “You this guy!” to challenge the new hotshot in town, Kouji Kabuto. But first, she has them clean up the house he’s going to move into. Once Kouji gets there and steps out of his van, (I don’t think he’s 20 years old but we’ll let that slide), he walks up to the troublemakers and says “Excuse me”. Because the directors are that awesome, this causes some dramatic music to suddenly start up, accompanied with close-ups of everyone’s faces looking really shocked, like he just set a box of stray kittens on fire. Coincidentally, this is much like what talking to natives in Japan as a foriegner is like, just without the dramatic music. They then engage in some fisticuffs until Sayaka shows up and gets them to stop. Men are such pigs.

The action then cuts to Baron Ashura, who finds Dr. Hell destroying his robot army, because he has to build a new robot army to defeat Mazinger Z. Destroying all that recyclable metal? What an asshole villain. We’re then treated to Kouji not being able to control the Hover Pilder/Mazinger Z some more while Sayaka yells at him. He gets really confident once he figures out how to walk, then manages to injure himself in a fairly violent way while trying to stop running. It’s no Ideon-style toddler decapitation, but it’ll do. Ashura/Hell figure that now is their chance to attack, and send out the fearsome GROMAZEN R9. The bad guys send out their faceless generic evil dudes to distract Kouji in his home (featuring posters such as MODERN JAZZ, I hope he goes to John Zorn concerts and grows a goatee on the weekends) while Gromazen goes off to destroy the research lab. Kouji gets warned about the attack, then takes off in the Hover Pilder, confounding the generic evil guys. Kouji gets into Mazinger Z. Some time during all of this, Sayaka decides to get in the completely unarmed Aphrodite A and stop Gromazen. Shockingly, Gromazen literally disarms her and almost steps on her until Mazinger Z wrecks his shit with his rocket punch. This will not become a common theme, I swear to god. While rescuing Sayaka, Kouji unintentionally dodges a heat laser or something, and Aphrodite A gets damaged even more. Kouji presses buttons until he hits the BREAST FIRE button and then he wins. It’s then decided that Kouji needs a battle suit that’s straight out of the 80s to keep him from hurting himself some more. The episode then ends with another threatening message from the bad guys. (“Those dare to turn against Dr. Hill won’t have good end!” Perhaps this means they will have a BAD END.) I think they get the point, but whatever.

Closing Thoughts: This seems to be the point in every long kids show where you’re right on the cusp of the monster of the week episodes. Kouji pretty much has everything down, he’s got his battle suit, and he’s starting to figure out which buttons to press to deal massive damage to the giant enemy robots. However, at this point, it’s still kind of fresh, so Watch.

Episode 4:

Summary:We start off the episode with the robot of the week, GAIA Q5. It has ultramagnetic power, and with it, they can control other robots. Neato! Then we find out that some people want to put missiles on Aphrodite A so that it can defend itself from attacks. (Massive spoilers: THEY NEVER DO SHIT) Where will the missiles go? Oh, in her breasts. Duh. Cut to Kouji being introduced to a new school as a mysterious transfer student. All the troublemakers he dealt with last episode, including the ringleader known only as BOSS, also go to this school. How will they settle their differences? It’s so easy, Kouji answers, by a BIKE RIDING COMPETITION! And when is a better time to have this competition then during school? So immediately after being introduced to the class, Kouji walks out on class, along with everyone else in it. Kouji wins the competition because he can do flips with his motorcycle while jumping over a dumpster, and he can also jump off of a moving bike and then back onto it. Sayaka eventually comes along in Aphrodite A. Apparently, she dropped out of school after middle school. Good, girls don’t need education anyway! While she’s visiting the school, she suddenly gets controlled by Gaia Q5. Then she gets beat up. Good thing Kouji is there to save the day! Unfortunately for Kouji, Gaia is immune to rocket punches, and then starts to control Mazinger. Good thing the scientists have some sort of anti-magnetism gun that they can get Kouji’s brother and Boss to shoot at Mazinger! Kouji starts his ultimate “randomly press buttons” attack until a missle comes out of Mazinger’s stomach and blows Gaia up. The episode ends with Kouji and Boss getting in trouble for skipping class. Glad to see they got what’s coming to them.

Closing Thoughts: I’m pretty sure that we’re firmly into Monster of the Week territory at this point. But, between the various missiles and Boss, we get a tiny bit of plot/character development, so I’ll say Watch.

Episode 5:

Summary: Dr Hell has a new weapon! It makes lots of illusionary copies of things. His “Ghost Plan” is so perfect, he’s sure Mazinger will be defeated. Defeated by what, you ask? By Kingdan X10, that’s who! Stuff happens, like Kouji getting attacked by faceless guys who manage to commit suicide by climbing up an electric tower and electrocuting themselves when they get caught by Kouji. We then learn what the “Ghost Plan” actually entails, as a mysterious copy of Mazinger Z appears, which Dr. Hell tells the good guys that he created. The town-folk see fake Mazinger destroying things on TV and then get mad at Kouji and co when Baron Ashura starts to rouse some rabble. Oh no, what will they do without the support of the normal citizens? Get in their robots and blow things up! It’s just like a Zambot 3 episode! Anyway, the bad guys use the illusions to get Mazinger to waste all his energy while they plant a bunch of landmines. While this is going on, the supporting cast of children try to see what’s going on with all this fake Mazinger nonsense, but then get captured by the bad guys and promptly are crucified. Why don’t we do that here in America? As it turns out, this is all part of the trap to lure Mazinger into the landmines. That weakens Mazinger some more. Then, Kingdan comes out and makes a bunch of copies of himself, then does what every Japanese villain does when he makes a lot of copies of himself: Circle around the good guy really fast! This uses up some more energy. Oh no, now Mazinger is out of energy! What will he do now? He must destroy X10! (you knew the joke was coming.) Fortunately, he’s not so out of energy that he can’t use breast fire and melt Kingdan X10. Kouji shakes hands with Boss and they settle their misunderstanding. Dr. Hell gets mad at Ashura. Episode over.

Closing Thoughts: This Monster of the Week episode is somewhat unlike most other monster of the week episodes, mostly because Sayaka doesn’t get in nearly as much trouble as she normally gets into. However, breast fire is still incredibly imba. Nothing particularly great about this one, I have to say. Here begins what may be a long series of Skims. Make sure to watch the kids get crucified, though! Too bad they don’t get set on fire while on the cross, though, then I could accuse them of ripping off Drifting Classroom.

This takes entirely too long. Maybe I’ll do the next round of filler episodes in haiku format.

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