welcome datacomp

Hey, reader, this doesn’t have much to do with the rest of this blog, but hear me out for a second.
The other day, I went to a doujin fair; you know, like Comiket?
Well anyways, there were an insane number of people there acting fairly normal.
Then I looked in the guidebook, and it said “no cosplay” in the rules.
What is this? How could this be?
Why would you come to an “anime convention” if there’s no cosplay?
It’s 700 yen, 7-0-0 YEN for crying out loud.
There are even entire families here. A family of four, coming to a doujin fair?
That’s when it hit me: this was not an “anime convention”.
In fact, there is nothing in Japan remotely resembling an “anime convention”.
Panels? Screenings? Aren’t these things really just a waste of time?
Maybe some people have no computers and spent their last $30 to watch some Mazinger-Z and listen to fat women talk about yaoi.
Maybe some of the congoers have no access to YouTube or Hulu, and are unable download podcasts.
But I’m betting most people come to meet other anime fans whom they already know.
I’m betting most people are doing something that they could do in private, but are doing it in public instead.
I’d like to interrogate these people. I’d like to interrogate them for roughly an hour.
I want to ask them, “are you sure you didn’t just pay $30 for the privilege of being an utter attention whore?”
Yes, you, wearing your T-shirt with the witty meme on it and talking awkwardly with other anime fans.
Do you really think you’re any better than the 8-year-old who wears his Naruto headband to the grocery store?
Actually, you’re worse, because you are a grown adult.
Why did you come to the anime convention?
Did you want to buy some shlock in the dealer’s hall?
Did you want to see funny costumes?
I’m going to show you how it’s done in Japan. I’m going to show you how the veterans do it.
In Japan, people have something called “modesty”. That’s right!
That’s right, modesty. That’s the vets’ way of convening anime fans.
You’ve gotta choose your purpose before you hold a meeting.
Do you want to get together with Internet friends?
Or do you want to see cosplay and buy merchandise?
It’s gotta be one or the other. Take your pick.
If you care about friends, you shouldn’t be coming to a convention at all.
Maybe you think the convention will give you and your friends something to do.
Here’s the reality: you will spend hours watching anime, which you can do at home.
You will spend less time going to panels. Maybe one of them is held by Surat. The others are pointless.
The time in between these two things will be spent looking at Penguin-of-Doom cosplayers and teenage boys.
Usually you can’t even drink at the convention.
Idiot! Why did you go in the first place?
So, don’t do such a thing.
You will waste your time and money.
If the thought even enters your mind, you should slap yourself out of it.
Here’s the way the pros do it: “offkai”.
It means a meeting, offline.
You and your friends can meet somewhere actually interesting, like someone’s house.
You will not play dress-up. Got it?
If you want to watch anime, you can do it there.
If you get bored of each others’ company, go to the zoo.
You saw it in Honey and Clover so you know it can be done.
This is the meaning of “offkai”.
Sometimes it just means a meeting for lunch at a family restaurant.
If you want to be Japanese really bad, you can do that too!
If your friends are from around the country, though, maybe that’s not such a good idea.
So, plan your “offkai” specially.
And what if you want to cosplay, or buy merchandise?
What they have in Japan is not an “anime convention”.
It’s called a “doujin fair”. Get it right!
Even English Wikipedia hasn’t figured that out yet.
The words “anime convention” or “animekai” are never used in Japanese.
What do you do at a doujin fair?
Well, you make your own artwork and bring it to sell.
There will be anywhere from 10 to 80 rows of artists selling their stuff.
You should be unassuming. Dress like a normal person.
If you can’t get your work printed with a cover, make a book on your copier.
Cosplay should take place outside the artists’ hall, if anywhere.
But, there’s a difficulty here.
There’s no such thing as a doujin fair in America.
Because your artwork blows.
You didn’t practice enough.
If you really want to, you can try to buy hall space and start a doujin fair.
But this takes a lot of money and time.
I wouldn’t recommend it for beginners.
So what this all really means is that you, my dear reader, should just stick with the anime music video contest.

This entry was posted on Monday, February 16th, 2009 at 1:52 am by shii and is filed under convention, えらい釣り. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.